Pearl 1

It's August 6th and I have not been posting consistently to my blog.
New Rule. I will post every day, and each day there will be 1 pearl of wisdom.
No muss no fuss.

---
TODAY'S PEARL OF WISDOM

How to be a Locksmith for Information

Lead with Questions
'Can you tell me about that?'
'What's on your mind?'
'Can you help me understand?'

Lessons from The Bedwetter

Before I share the pearls of wisdom I gleaned from this book, I'm going to comment on the fact that it's been difficult to post consistently for this blog of mine. Maybe to commit to it I need to put myself out there. Put a link to it on Facebook maybe. I need to commit to it.

1) If you want to enjoy these things, make it a treat. Book of Kerry.

2) Meditate on the cool stuff. Chris Farley.

3) It's up to you to set the limits and know what you can and cannot do. Garry Shandling

4) Quality of Life doesn't always mean the most money you can make. Garry Shandling

Secrets # 7, 8, 9 - Get Yourself Out There, Find the Yes, Be A Guru, Enjoy Yourself & Believe In Yourself

1. SECRET 7: Put Yourself Out There, Put Yourself in Front
• Strategies

1) Show up, get noticed, strut your stuff, introduce yourself

2) Maintain your friendships with people you work with (water the plants)

3) Package yourself to appear hot, sexy, in demand

4) Make something sound better than it is

5) Don’t be afraid to sit up front

6) Dress well

7) Look for opportunity everywhere

2. SECRET 8: Find the “Yes”, Pat Yourself On the Back, & Be The Next Guru
• Throw Parties and Invite People Out
• How To Get What You Want

1) Give it a few more days

2) Try Nudging

3) Make sure you make it irresistible

4) Move On

o When People Say No

5) Find Out Why “I appreciate you getting back to me. It would be very helpful to my future efforts if you could tell me why you chose another whatever.”

6) All It Takes Is One Yes

7) If you don’t like the answer look for another way

o How To Stay On Top

8) Write or Say Thank You

9) Make the person feel special for picking you

10) Keep them in the loop on what you’re doing

11) Nice work- don’t stop there. Master the next challenge!

12) Arrive and acquire an understanding of the landscape, politics, interpersonal dynamics, how teamwork is done well. Network. Find out who the powerbrokers are and emulate them.

13) Become a guru. Perpetuate Yourself as a Know It All in that area.

3. SECRET 9: Enjoy Yourself, Believe In Yourself
• Strategies

1) Give yourself at least one day to be giddy about your success. Jump up and down, Rub your hands together in glee, Squeal in delight, Snicker about those who claimed you’d never pull it off

2) Reward Yourself Beautifully – Great deeds deserve great rewards.

3) Accept congratulations and say “Thank You!”

4) Allow for Buyer’s Remorse- Give it 3 months

5) Acknowledge the things you didn’t bargain for but are valuable

6) Rediscover and Reconnect w/ Your Family, Friends, Loved Ones

7) Get rid of friends who don’t let you enjoy your triumphs

8) Decide what matters most and what you will and will not do.

9) Don’t expand work or any activity to take the allotted hours. Try to resolve to leave the office 30 minutes earlier every night and see if you can pull it off.

10) Avoid always doing 2 things at once.

11) Carry notes of assurance or inspiration to remind you to keep things in perspective

12) User a Personal Day to Do Something Personal

13) Go Outdoors and Enjoy Nature

14) Ignore Your Critics

15) Carve out a special place for you to retreat to, to call your own

16) Think about Your Skills As A Toolbox You can Pull Out Anywhere. What Can I Do To Pull This Off?

17) Sleep Late

Secrets #4, 5, 6: Show Passion, Go to Plan B or Z, & Be Sweet

1. SECRET 4: Show Passion, Enthusiasm, and Excitement for What You Want!
2. SECRET 5: When You’ve Asked and They’ve Said No, Try Plan B or Z
• There’s almost always another way to skin the cat, to find something to wear to Atlanta, to pull off what you need to do- you’re just going to have to look around and find it.
• Show Your Gumption (Courage + Energy)

1) The courage part means that you have the guts to take chances, be daring, and not always do as you’re told. “I’m going to think about things in a different way. I’m open to looking at a pair of curtains and seeing a dress.”

• Ways to Get What You Want

1) “Kitchen Sink List” – Write down every possible approach you can think of that will lead you to your goal.

a. Spend a few minutes thinking about each strategy, even those you may be tempted to reject as moronic. Pretend that this is the strategy you must use. How would it work? How would you pull it off?

2) Take a little success and make it bigger

3) Steal a Trick from a Different Arena and Apply It (You can copy a strategy from someone who is successful doing what you hope to do)

4) Turn around a rule and think more creatively.

a. First, you simply write down the basic rule everybody seems to be constantly repeating to you. Then write down a phrase that simply negates the first.

b. Then let yourself go. Allow that second phrase to be the jumping off point for some fresh, bold ideas that occurred to you when you were locked into the rule.

• 2 Things to always keep in mind.

1) Just because it’s never been done doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

2) Just because someone says you shouldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t.

3. SECRET 6: Be the Super Talkative and Friendly Guy, Be the Person W/ Manners Who Smiles and Says Hello
• Be a “Sugar Lips” and ask nicely for what you need or want --Sweet Talk First!
• Flatter them and ask people their opinion
• How To Find Out Something Bad

1) Let them play multiple choice (Was there someone x? or y?)

2) Do not react. Simply nod and say “Thanks for letting me know.”

Secrets #1, 2, 3: Embrace What You Want! Research,Talk, Look Around, Get Away! Don't Wait, Don't Hold Back, Think of Shortcuts

1. SECRET 1: Embrace What You Want

• Women who get what they want are good at knowing what they want. They use phrases like “I’m nuts about it” and “I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world” and “I’m absolutely in love with what I’m doing”
• It’s a pure sensation and enables you to see what your real desires are. At the bottom of envy is a lavish, all-out sighting of good qualities and registering of awe and amazement at them.
• 3 Little Questions
• In one sentence, what is it that you’re really envying?
• What four words sum up that thing best?
• Of those four words, which appeals to you most?
• Look around and see what you would steal if you could.

2. SECRET 2: Research, Talk to People, Look Around, Go Off the Beaten

o 6 Suggestions

1) PARTICIPATE: Take a class in something that might move you.

2) TALK: Talk to 3 people who have succeeded in the area you’re interested.

3) SURF THE WEB: Get on the Internet and explore the topic

4) SET UP A DATE: Try to get an exploratory interview with someone who knows something.

5) JOURNAL: Write in your journal and write in stream of consciousness style, starting with what you vaguely think you want and letting your words take you to the prize

6) TAPE RECORDER: Talk into a tape recorder about what you think you want and then listen to what you’ve said.

o 4 Signs You’re Into Something

1) You can’t stop thinking about it.

2) You can’t fall asleep when you’re thinking about it.

3) You want to talk to people about it but don’t because you’re afraid someone will steal it.

4) You feel an urge to date it.

o 4 More Steps

1) OLD FLAMES: Look Behind You - Was there once something that made you very happy but got left along the side of the road because you thought you were finished with it or had outgrown it?

2) GET AWAY: Get Out of Town – Sometimes what’s holding you back from seeing what you want are the plans and expectations everybody else has for you.

3) BREAK YOUR ROUTINE: Go off the beaten path – break your routine

4) ARTICULATE & ASK: Ask for Advice (Don’t whine) “I’m feeling a little frustrated these days and I don’t know why. Is there something you think I’m not seeing or taking hold of right now?”

3. SECRET 3: Start Anywhere—Don’t Wait, Don’t Hold Back. Start It Now!
• 4 Principles of Successful Pouncing

1) “All Glory Comes From the Danger to Begin”

2) Eliminate the BullShit steps and Cut To the Chase

3) Find the Person You Need to Meet To Make It Happen and Make Contact

4) If there is a great opportunity within 20 feet, DON’T HOLD BACK. Seize the Day!

• How To Get Your Butt Moving

1) Jump Into the Middle- Skip “step 1” and move to “step 3”

2) Do a test drive or test the water

3) Say Yes/Make a Commitment And Let It Be Your Deadline

• Don’t wait. Look for shortcuts!!!

1) Don’t automatically assume you need training simply because it seems “obvious.

2) Sometimes you don’t have to start at the bottom- Look for back doors and shortcuts!

3) Don’t just speak to the “right” person – speak to the best person (the person with the knowledge and power)!

4) Don’t always swallow “pay your dues.” Sometimes people define arbitrarily, or just based on how long it took them, which doesn’t necessarily have to apply to you.

5) Before you take anyone’s advice to “just wait,” always ask yourself, “What am I waiting for?”

Habit 7 - Preserve the Greatest Asset You Have - You

1. Four Dimensions of Your Nature

a. Physical/PositiveTone/Good Animal – Exercise, Nutrition, Stress Management

b. Social/Emotional/Connectedness/Good Friend/Treat Others – Service, Empathy, Synergy, Intrinsic Security

c. Spiritual/Perspective/A Saint/Contribution – Value Clarification & Commitment, Study & Meditation

d. Mental/Autonomy/Good Craftsman/Develop – Reading, Visualizing, Planning, Writing

2. Personal P/C must be pressed upon until it becomes second nature, until it becomes a kind of healthy addiction. Because it’s at the Center of Influence, no one else can do it for us. We must do it for ourselves.

3. Physical

o Endurance- Aerobic exercise

o Flexibility – Stretching

o Strength – Muscle resistance

4. Spiritual Dimension

o Immersion in great Literature, Music, Nature

5. Mental Dimension

o Proactive people figure out many, many ways to educate themselves. Read good literature –Great Books, Harvard Classics, Autobiographies, Writing

6. Once we are self-aware, we must choose purposes and principles to live by; otherwise the vacuum will be filled, and we lose our self-awareness. People who exist on that level are reacting, unaware of the unique endowments that lie dormant and undeveloped within.

7. To keep progressing, we must learn, commit, and do—learn, commit, and do—learn, commit, and do again.

Habit 6 - Enlarge Your Perspective

1. Synergy means the whole is greater than the sum of its parts
2. The Middle Way means higher, like the apex of the triangle.
3. Sidestep negative energy; you can look for the good in others, as different as it may be to improve your point of view and to enlarge your perspective.

Habit 5 - Listening Skills Are In Your Circle of Influence

1. The real key to your influence with me is your example, your actual conduct.

2. If you don’t have confidence in the diagnosis, you won’t have confidence in the prescription.

3. Four Steps to Emphatic Listening Skills

1. Mimic content

2. Rephrase content

3. You reflect their feeling

4. You rephrase the same content and reflect the feeling

4. Listening skills are in your Circle of Influence. That’s something that’s within your control. As you focus on your circle of influence, you really deeply understand other people.

Habit 4 - Courage & Consideration

1. 6 Major Deposits

1. Understanding the Individual – Accepting the value others places on what they have to say; touching on the person’s interest or need.
2. Attending to the Little Things – Little acts of kindness
3. Keeping Commitments
4. Clarifying Expectations
5. Showing Personal Integrity – Honesty is conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words.
6. Apologizing sincerely when you make a withdrawl

2. Problems are a chance to build the relationship. Every problem is a Production-Capability Opportunity, a chance to build the emotional bank account, to build the relationship.

3. Win/Win character Traits

o Integrity - Integrity is conforming reality to our words.

o Maturity - Maturity is balance between courage and consideration.

o Abundance Mentality – there is plenty for everybody

4. Six Paradigms of Human Interaction

1. Win/Win – High courage & High consideration

2. Win/Lose – High courage & Low consideration

3. Lose/Win – High consideration & Low courage

4. Lose/Lose – Adversarial conflict

5. Win – No consideration

6. Win/Win or No Deal – Provides emotional freedom and protects the relationship

5. Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent reality.

Habit 3 - Schedule Your Priorities, Importance = Positive Difference

1. Effective People are not problem-minded, they are opportunity-minded. They feed opportunities and starve problems. They think preventatively.
1. Ask: What one thing could you do (you aren’t doing now) that if you did on a regular basis, would make a tremendous positive difference in your life?
2. Integrity is, fundamentally, the value we place on ourselves. It’s our ability to make and keep commitments to ourselves, to “walk our talk.”
2. The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don’t like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose. You have the will, the integrity, to subordinate your feelings, your impulses, your moods to those values.

• The subordination requires a purpose, a mission, a clear sense of direction and value (from Begin with the Desire Result in Mind), a burning “yes!” inside that makes it possible to say “no” to other things. It also requires independent will, the power to do something when you don’t want to do it, to be a function of your values rather than a function of the impulse or desire of any given moment. It’s the power to act with integrity to your proactive first creation.

3. Importance has to do with results. Important matters that are not urgent require more initiative, more proactivity. We must act to seize opportunity, to make things happen. If we don’t have a clear idea of what is important, of the results desired in our lives, we are easily diverted into responding to the urgent.

• Rather than focusing on events and time, focus on enhancing relationships and on accomplishing results.

4. Schedule Your Priorities- The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. This can best be done in the context of the week.
5. Managing Ourselves

• Identify Roles
• Schedule Your Priorites
• Daily Adapting, Reviewing in the Morning
• You are the programmer, Write the program, Run/Live the Program

6. Self Management vs. Time Management

• Principle Centered
• Conscience Directed – subordinate your schedule to higher values
• Defines Your Unique Mission, including values and long-term goals. Gives Direction and purpose to the way you spend each day.
• Balance your life by identifying your roles, set goals and activities in each key role
• Gives great context through weekly organizing (w/ daily adaptation) through review of your key roles

7. Effective Delegation

Set the Expectations with the Following:

1. Desired Results
2. Guidelines
3. Resources
4. Accountability
5. Consequences

Habit 2 - Imagine the Final Picture

1. Begin with the end/final picture in mind.

• What do you want the result to be? What’s your vision?

2. Progression/Continuity
• Habit 1: Take Control
• Habit 2: Imagine the desired result/finished product/end
3. “Our peculiar security is the possession of a written constitution”
• Personal Mission Statement à Personal Constitution (US constitution)
• Use it as the standard by which everything is evaluated
4. Center is Source For:

1. Security – Sense of Worth, Identity, Anchor, Self-Esteem, Strength
2. Guidance – Direction, frame of reference, Criteria to govern
3. Wisdom –Perspective, Balance, Understanding
4. Power – Capacity to act, accomplish, overcome; Energy

5. A good affirmation has 5 basic ingredients

o Personal

o Positive

o Present tense

o Visual (able to be visualized)

o Emotional/Emotion based

6. Retracting/Depending/Myopic/Narrow Centers

• Family
• Money
• Work
• Possessions
• Pleasure
• Friend
• Enemy
• Church/Club
• Self
• Spouse

7. Live a script that is in harmony with your deepest values, and make your life a product of your own proactive design.
• Mission Statement is not something you write overnight. It takes deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression, and often many rewrites to produce it in final form.

Habit 1 - Respect Your Proactive Nature, Circle of Influence/Concern, Problems &Behavior

1. Beware of the Social Mirror – sometimes they are more projections than reflections
2. Listen to your language – Let’s look at our alternatives. I choose. I prefer. I will.
3. Circle of Influence - Review a challenging situation in the context of Circle of Influence.
• How can you respond proactively?
• Work on things you can do something about.
4. Problems & Behavior: Direct, Indirect, and No Control - Select a problem from work or personal life and determine whether it is
• Direct Control (Problems involving our own behavior)
• Indirect Control (Problems involving other people’s behavior)
• No Control (Problems we can do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities)
5. Show more Initiative- Use your Resourcefulness and Initiative!
• Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning, it is affirming.
• Proactivity is part of human nature, and even if the muscles are dormant, they are there. Respect others and your own proactive nature.
• Many people wait for something to happen or someone t take care of them. But people who end up with the good jobs are proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves, who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary ,consistent with correct principles, to get the job done.
6. Consequences & Natural Law - While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. Consequences are governed by natural law. They are out in the Circle of Concern.
7. Be driven by values, not feelings. It’s the nature of reactive people to absolve themselves of responsibility. It’s so much safer to say, “I am not responsible.” If I say I am responsible,” I might have to say “I am irresponsible.”

Ephiphany

I figured out what I want to write about.

If you're going to take on a project, it has to involve something you are truly passionate about. Something that you do without anyone telling you or pushing you-- often it is something you can't help spending time and money on.

The trick to people who are successful is that they acknowledge when they're stuck on something. There's a need, there's a drive, they can't help it. While watching one of my two favorite YouTube makeup gurus today, I heard her say something that stuck with me. Why does she spend all that time going to the store, buying makeup, testing it, blogging about it, buying more, testing more, rinse and repeat, and then more video blogging?

She just loves it. She loves makeup, she loves trying new colors, techniques, products. I'm trying to think now if there was something special about the way she articulated it to really drive this home, but I don't remember specific words and I can't find any key moment of exaltation in the videos I watched today.

No magic sentence or phrase to immortalize her love affair with makeup in my head, but I can just tell she is addicted to it, and all she is doing is sharing her addiction with the world. It's her passion.

The difference between her and me is that she embraces what she loves. First she is actively conscious of it and acknowledges it. Second, she embraces it. She doesn't hold back. Everyone else's instinct and conditioning is to hide or downplay what they love. To not let it consume them, to let it cool off. Even to hate themselves for wasting time with it. After all, what can come from something you love?